Bible: Habakkuk 1-3

"Behold, his soul which is lifted up is not upright in him: but the just shall live by his faith" "

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation."

Habakkuk 2:7, 3:17-18

In chapter 1, Habakkuk cries out to God and says god why are you not punishing us (Lebanon), there's so much sin here, aren't you going to do something?? Then God says hey, look arond you I'm working here. You know the Chaldeans, big scary army? The ones that laugh at rulers and spit on tents? Well I'm gonna send them to wipe you guys out.. and then Habakkuk goes "..wait a minute..the Chaldeans?? God come on now. Have some compassion! Your not going to let your people die off are you?" (Man! Habakkuk has some nerve doesn't he?). But then God says don't worry, I will take care of my people "The just shall live by faith." Then Habakkuk is finally satisfied and says alright God, no matter what happens I will have faith in you and praise your name.

Wow. How often do I do this with God?! I think I know everything. Always trying to tell him what to do. And when he answers, I'm shocked and I challenge him. "God what are you doing??" I'm doing this now. I'm asking God what he wants me to do for my recovery and he's saying inpatient treatment and I'm saying, no God I don't think so. I need to learn to just give it up to him and let him do what he's got to to do. And when he does it and I don't like it I need to be joyful and praise his name!

God, I'm powerless over my eating disorder, I know that you have the power to restore me to stanity. I want to trust you completely to guide my life. I want to live my life by having full faith in you. Keep me humble and I pray that your will be done. Amen.

AA 12 & 12: Step 2 part 1 (pages 25-29)

"Finally, when all our score cards read 'zero,' and we saw that one more strike would put us out of the game forever, we had to look for our lost faith."

I have just recently come to see that my cards read 'zero'. I am at my bottom. I'm tired of dealing with my ED. I'm tired of trying to do this my way. I'm tired of feeling lonely and needyall the time. I'm tired of manipulating people. I'm tired of lying to myself and to everyone around me. I'm tired of hiding. I admit that I'm powerless over my insane eating practices and that my life has become unmanageable. I want to live a joyful, peaceful, purpose driven life. I know I can't do that in this state. I can't get there on my own; I believe God can restore me to sanity and he will if I ask him to.

God,
Thank you for bringing me to this point of surrender. I can't heal myself, and while your servants and angels are a big help, they are not omnipresent like you. Only you have the power to save me. From my disease. And from all the things preventing me a joyful life here on earth and eternally in heaven. You are so amazing to me Lord, and I can't wait to see your miracle happen in my life. I'm willing to do whatever it takes Father, just show me what that is and give me the courage to carry it out. Amen

Big Book: Chapter 4 We Agnostics part 1 (pages 44-50)

I've already started reading through the Big Book and am on Chapter 4. When I finish, I will go back and write about Dr.'s Opinion-Chapter 3.

"We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside predudice and express a willingness to believe in a Power greater then ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God" (pg 46)

God is so big, so full of wonder, majesty and mystery. No one can understand Him or His plans or His works. But I see all of His beautiful and complex creation around me and I see so much that I have no control over, like the sun rising and setting everyday, the trees and flowers blooming every Spring and leaves changing colors and falling off the trees every Autumn. I see people healing and being cured from serious illnesses and I see people's lives being completely turned around from poverty to prosperity. I've been in several different scary experiences where I could have died or been seriously hurt, and I'm still here healthy and injury free.  I see so many things around me that I can not explain or do myself and so I am willing to believe that there is a Power greater then me.

My Dear Heavenly Father,
You are so mighty and powerful. Your hand is on everything that happens in the entire universe, yet you are gentle and kind and you know and love little ol' me. I am not worthy to receive all the gifts you give me but your grace is enough for me. Thank you for your many blessings. Every breath I take is million miracles in itself. I pray, Lord, that I would be honest with myself, open to Your words and willing to accept your greatness. Keep me humble and may I do thy will always. Amen

About

I have been searching Google for an online meditation/reflection reading and can't seem to find one that really suits me. So I've decided just to make my own. I will read from one of my 12 step books every day and share my thoughts on it. Here's the tentative schedule:

Sunday: ABA Book
Monday: Big Book
Tuesday: AA 12 &12
Wednesday: Bible
Thursday: ABA Book
Friday: Big Book
Saturday: AA 12 & 12